Shut your eyes, I spin the big chair
And you'll feel dizzy, light, and free
And falling gently on the cushion
You can come and sing to me



Warning: Girl and Doctor Stuff

The doctor violated me, today. It wasn't pleasant. In fact, it hurt quite a lot. But I suppose it was worth it, to get the prescription I came for.

The question now becomes: Do I actually take it? Do I allow myself to take birth control? There's really no harm in it, I suppose. It will help with mood swings and cramping, and it's a good protection to have, in the event that I do ever end up experiencing this thing we call sex.

I have no plans in regards to sex. I think it's a tad too idealistic to really say "I will wait until I am married." I have been out of the realm of relationships and mutual interests for so long, that I almost forgot how inclined I am to really like affection and contact.

I know myself well. I am not a slut or a whore. I'm a virgin, and I act the part very accurately, because I lack a lot of experience. But I do know how much I want to be loved, to be wanted, and honestly, to be found sexy by someone.

A couple years ago, I was burning with desire. Such is the life of a teenager, of course. Now, I seem to think I have cooled off, but I'm starting to suspect that, given the right scenario, that aspect of my personality will come back in full force.

I am passionate. I like making other people feel good. I like touching and comforting people. I want to be comforted and loved and touched the same way. More importantly, I want to be able to trust someone on that level. To have little doubt that they mean it, that they are exactly where they want to be, and that is with me.

So, yes. I believe I'm just dormant for the time being. I have to be. Otherwise, I would go insane with craving and loneliness.

I suppose this serves as a due warning to whoever ends up with me, though. I may have a lot of bottled up passion to work out.


So, my room is packed up. The van is stuffed full of clothes, furniture, trash cans and needed items, blankets and pillows, a chair, video games, so many books. So, so many books. School supplies, too.

I'm ready to get the hell out of here.

Still, it's a bit of a bittersweet feeling. Sitting here on this futon, knowing it'll be my last night here with this as my home.

Though it hasn't been home in quite some time. Just a house. A house with my family in it. Sometimes it feels homey, but more often than not, it's just a place to be.


I'm exhausted. I stayed up until 2 with Jay last night. We can't seem to stop talking until I pass out.

It's wonderful.

I hope this move of his comes quickly. Of course, I'm going to be busy for the next... while, so it'll help time speed up, I think.

Okay.

Going to try to sleep soon.

~Red



1 have eaten my cookies

Nicole - 2007-08-12 14:11:36
Hi!! I'm back! Good luck with hauling all the stuff to your new hidey hole! I hope you have lots of fun! lol And as always, your writing skills shame me! I wish I could write like you! ((((hugs))))
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I paid to get molested. -_-
2007-08-10

Mrowr.